Thanks, I agree and appreciate all of this. However I would challenge you on the “non sustainable” bit. Obviously it is sustainable and has been sustained for 1000 of years over all countries. I get that this line of thought does not lead to productive solutions. However as a physician, someone who experienced being the object of male sexual gratification at age 8 and someone who is has seen the same old very same exact headlines for the past 50 years (not even counting Mary Wollstonecrafts observations), I think I do believe there is a biological basis to this behavior pattern. I don’t have solutions but I do think we need to complicate our understanding of the issue in politically uncomfortable ways.
Can we abolish physical and online men’s clubs, fraternities and (can’t believe I have to write this) “rape” clubs that not only condone but encourage violence and discrimination against women? Make it illegal to encourage violence and punish the perpetrators.
Good proposals. Hard to imagine them enacted, in this horrible world we have allowed into being. But something to aspire to.
A small point re firearms and self defense: if a woman DOES manage to successfully defend herself by shooting (or stabbing, or pummeling) her attacker, SHE will probably end up in jail.
Anyone who has read a fraction of my own writing over the last 30 years, or who has ever had more than 3 or 4 conversations with me, could tell you that I agree with just about every point and suggestion made in this very well articulated article. Do I think any of it will happen until after women have slowly gained a lot more political power? Probably not. It sucks, and that truth won't stop me from continuing to do everything I can about it, but it is clearly the truth at this point.
But there is one suggestion in this article, that I think is an absolutely bad call, and even allowing for the intention of the article, I must vehemently disagree with your ideas on that score.
One of the main reasons that, when I went back to school in 2018, I told anyone that asked, that my singular academic, personal and professional goal was comprehensive, scientifically accurate, mandated sexual education in all K-12 public schools before I die, is because the overall issues of non-consent culture would be all but eradicated in a few generations with that solution - AND because our lack of understanding of consent in current human society goes WAY beyond the topic of sex. But consistent, life-long education about consent is vital to proper sexual education, so having that policy in place would make huge changes in all the ways that consent understanding gaps are harming our societies.
There are other healthcare problems which are impacting women particularly, that are all based in our lack of respect for individual bodily autonomy - hell there's a whole list in the OBGyn sector alone. Then there's the rise of high control groups forming and the lack of proper legal protections/consequences regarding malignant narcisstic abuse and manipulation - which is FAR from just a male-perptrator problem, especially in terms of MLMs and pyramid schemes. The current political threats to civil rights and attempts to roll back legal protections regarding DEI topics is largely based in our failure to teach about respecting the consent of others and demanding it for ourselves - same with the increase in people choosing to vote-in authoritarian leaders.
But even just sticking to the topic of how to capably teach children about consent - you can't accomplish it without inclusion! Of everyone! Do you think you will truly make a dent in teaching kids about systemic racism, by only including white kids in that conversation? Do you understand how vital in-class group discussions and lessons on establishing open, informed and productive dialogs are, to teaching anyone about consent?
One of the stupidest choices in antiquated forms of sexual education, was garbage like separating the boys and girls into different groups, and then teaching ONLY the boys about how male body parts work, while you're only teaching the girls about how female body parts work. You will not actually help adolescent boys understand how a lack of respect for consent, will make girls and women feel, while isolating them from the voices of their female peers. They need to see and hear one another, to understand one another.
And that's before we get into the harms that can be caused to anyone in the LGBTQ+ communities, by gendering such a class in any kind of binary way. And that community is also one of the most sexually victimized. There are also harrowing statistics on sexual violence, that point to systemic consent-education failures, if you focus on nothing beyond the generations of little boys victimized by Catholic priests. That isn't just a whataboutism that some men spew as a deflection - it's a tragedy which is just as entrenched in the "gendered violence epidemic caused predominantly by men" issue, which you are trying to address here.
Take this as a lesson into why, regardless of your extensive knowledge and empathy on this subject Mr. Rashid, if you are trying to create a manifesto-like game plan, to solve a problem like "all the harms to women that are rooted in gendered violence within our society," you would be wise to consult with some women who are similarly familiar with the subject. ;-)
Thank you Qasim. My brothers are registered Democrats, my father campaigned for Obama—they all not only took my abusive ex-husband’s side in my divorce, they smeared me as a crazy liar to everyone we knew in common.
Thank you thank you thank you. As you know, there is a name for this criminal Enterprise. COVERTURE. Men, own it with your misogyny. Women are PROPERTY.
I’ve been subscribed for two years now. You are an amazing guy. This is a perceptive and sympathetic analysis - it’s almost too good to be true! Thanks very much for the work.
Third comment, I will be forwarding this article to my congressman (Joe Neguse, a great guy), my senators, my legislators, and my governor. These ideas for reparations are brilliant. Let’s get them going.
Thank you. Please also consider what might be done with fathers of offenders. Misogyny, like racism, is passed down through generations. Education of some kind. Consequences of some kind. We need to teach the young about a different paradigm, but I believe the older men could use some disruption of their worldview.
Oh my goodness, the solutions are so kind and needed, this literally brought me to tears. I appreciate you so much. 😢
Ideas to add:
* Women-only apartment buildings and retirement communities.
* And separate age-appropriate consent education for girls. Young girls are manipulated by predators. Very specific language and awareness needs to be conveyed to girls.
My offender was the elementary school music teacher from grade 1 to 5. 😞
"That funding should be directed toward thousands of new domestic violence shelters—safe, warm, welcoming, and equipped to support women and their children."
Please don't forget pets. Women stay because they love their pets and shelters generally will not welcome pets. I know this from experience as someone who has fostered pets for victims of domestic violence when shelters and housing programs would not help.
Thanks, I agree and appreciate all of this. However I would challenge you on the “non sustainable” bit. Obviously it is sustainable and has been sustained for 1000 of years over all countries. I get that this line of thought does not lead to productive solutions. However as a physician, someone who experienced being the object of male sexual gratification at age 8 and someone who is has seen the same old very same exact headlines for the past 50 years (not even counting Mary Wollstonecrafts observations), I think I do believe there is a biological basis to this behavior pattern. I don’t have solutions but I do think we need to complicate our understanding of the issue in politically uncomfortable ways.
Can we abolish physical and online men’s clubs, fraternities and (can’t believe I have to write this) “rape” clubs that not only condone but encourage violence and discrimination against women? Make it illegal to encourage violence and punish the perpetrators.
Good proposals. Hard to imagine them enacted, in this horrible world we have allowed into being. But something to aspire to.
A small point re firearms and self defense: if a woman DOES manage to successfully defend herself by shooting (or stabbing, or pummeling) her attacker, SHE will probably end up in jail.
Anyone who has read a fraction of my own writing over the last 30 years, or who has ever had more than 3 or 4 conversations with me, could tell you that I agree with just about every point and suggestion made in this very well articulated article. Do I think any of it will happen until after women have slowly gained a lot more political power? Probably not. It sucks, and that truth won't stop me from continuing to do everything I can about it, but it is clearly the truth at this point.
But there is one suggestion in this article, that I think is an absolutely bad call, and even allowing for the intention of the article, I must vehemently disagree with your ideas on that score.
One of the main reasons that, when I went back to school in 2018, I told anyone that asked, that my singular academic, personal and professional goal was comprehensive, scientifically accurate, mandated sexual education in all K-12 public schools before I die, is because the overall issues of non-consent culture would be all but eradicated in a few generations with that solution - AND because our lack of understanding of consent in current human society goes WAY beyond the topic of sex. But consistent, life-long education about consent is vital to proper sexual education, so having that policy in place would make huge changes in all the ways that consent understanding gaps are harming our societies.
There are other healthcare problems which are impacting women particularly, that are all based in our lack of respect for individual bodily autonomy - hell there's a whole list in the OBGyn sector alone. Then there's the rise of high control groups forming and the lack of proper legal protections/consequences regarding malignant narcisstic abuse and manipulation - which is FAR from just a male-perptrator problem, especially in terms of MLMs and pyramid schemes. The current political threats to civil rights and attempts to roll back legal protections regarding DEI topics is largely based in our failure to teach about respecting the consent of others and demanding it for ourselves - same with the increase in people choosing to vote-in authoritarian leaders.
But even just sticking to the topic of how to capably teach children about consent - you can't accomplish it without inclusion! Of everyone! Do you think you will truly make a dent in teaching kids about systemic racism, by only including white kids in that conversation? Do you understand how vital in-class group discussions and lessons on establishing open, informed and productive dialogs are, to teaching anyone about consent?
One of the stupidest choices in antiquated forms of sexual education, was garbage like separating the boys and girls into different groups, and then teaching ONLY the boys about how male body parts work, while you're only teaching the girls about how female body parts work. You will not actually help adolescent boys understand how a lack of respect for consent, will make girls and women feel, while isolating them from the voices of their female peers. They need to see and hear one another, to understand one another.
And that's before we get into the harms that can be caused to anyone in the LGBTQ+ communities, by gendering such a class in any kind of binary way. And that community is also one of the most sexually victimized. There are also harrowing statistics on sexual violence, that point to systemic consent-education failures, if you focus on nothing beyond the generations of little boys victimized by Catholic priests. That isn't just a whataboutism that some men spew as a deflection - it's a tragedy which is just as entrenched in the "gendered violence epidemic caused predominantly by men" issue, which you are trying to address here.
Take this as a lesson into why, regardless of your extensive knowledge and empathy on this subject Mr. Rashid, if you are trying to create a manifesto-like game plan, to solve a problem like "all the harms to women that are rooted in gendered violence within our society," you would be wise to consult with some women who are similarly familiar with the subject. ;-)
Thank you Qasim. My brothers are registered Democrats, my father campaigned for Obama—they all not only took my abusive ex-husband’s side in my divorce, they smeared me as a crazy liar to everyone we knew in common.
It’s not just MAGA.
Excellent piece. Thank you for speaking up.
Yeah lovely words....wont make a damn bit of difference.
Thank you thank you thank you. As you know, there is a name for this criminal Enterprise. COVERTURE. Men, own it with your misogyny. Women are PROPERTY.
Thank you.
Yes, and thank you.
I’ve been subscribed for two years now. You are an amazing guy. This is a perceptive and sympathetic analysis - it’s almost too good to be true! Thanks very much for the work.
Third comment, I will be forwarding this article to my congressman (Joe Neguse, a great guy), my senators, my legislators, and my governor. These ideas for reparations are brilliant. Let’s get them going.
Thank you. Please also consider what might be done with fathers of offenders. Misogyny, like racism, is passed down through generations. Education of some kind. Consequences of some kind. We need to teach the young about a different paradigm, but I believe the older men could use some disruption of their worldview.
Oh my goodness, the solutions are so kind and needed, this literally brought me to tears. I appreciate you so much. 😢
Ideas to add:
* Women-only apartment buildings and retirement communities.
* And separate age-appropriate consent education for girls. Young girls are manipulated by predators. Very specific language and awareness needs to be conveyed to girls.
My offender was the elementary school music teacher from grade 1 to 5. 😞
"That funding should be directed toward thousands of new domestic violence shelters—safe, warm, welcoming, and equipped to support women and their children."
Please don't forget pets. Women stay because they love their pets and shelters generally will not welcome pets. I know this from experience as someone who has fostered pets for victims of domestic violence when shelters and housing programs would not help.
I would add one thing - girls need to be taught that politeness is optional when it conflicts with boundaries, instincts, and safety.