"The solution to male violence is male accountability." So true. Thank you for saying this, Qasim. So glad that I am supporting your work. Keep doing this work, for all of us!
Thank you Qasim, for the courage to take on a difficult subject . Violence in our society is pervasive . Silence is Complicity. It's very sad how much misogyny is accepted.
Thank you, Qasim! The problems have been building for so long. Entire industries are implicated for promoting sexism, violence, division, and endless pornographic interpretations of interactions between women and men. How shall the flood of profits ever be stopped long enough for people to recognize the manipulation? Tragedy abounds. Men do need to stand up to other men and stop the herd mentality of abuse of women.
Thank you from the women of the world, past, present and future, for writing this. Thanks from the men, too, as carrying the kind of thought or attitude that these crimes against humanity harm all of us. To think this kind of disrespect might be OK, at all, is not something anyone should tolerate within others or within themselves. This is wrong action and destructive for all involved and for those around them. This is just a small part of why we must assure safety in society and especially in places people are most without power, jails and prisons, detention centers and ICE custody. "Free" or not women and children can be more vulnerable so DO need the protection of men, even if that protection is from you, yourself.
Thank you for the comment, "You do not get a cookie for not being a rapist." It made me smile; I appreciated the relief that provided as I read the horror of "rape academy."
I couldn't trust my husband of 16 years. I always thought, he gets angry, he shouts, he belittles, he doesn't respect me, he can be controlling, but there's no way he'd ever hurt me! And since this sentiment was echoed by everyone I knew, since no one saw any of his behavior as abuse, everyone was so shocked when he did hurt me. So, if I can't trust my own husband, why should I trust any random man off the street? And I know this makes men angry, but it's precisely their angry response that makes them suspect. That anger, that entitlement, that expectation that I should allow them to be in my space when I'm uncomfortable, that I should accommodate them regardless of my own lived experience because that would make THEM more comfortable, that's potential for harm. That right there. If they can't see it or believe it then they have more problems than they could ever realize.
Josh Johnson, comedian and philosopher that he is, talks about how when women said they'd rather encounter a bear in the woods than a random man, and how men commented to this online with things like, "what the fuck kind of stupid answer is that, you dumb bitch?!", and he sort of shrugs and laughs like, duh. Those kind of responses just reinforce the main crux of the problem. He points out that answers women listed as to why they'd rather encounter the bear: If I got mauled by a bear at least I'd be believed; A bear is only going to do one thing to me; No one is going to say I got mauled by a bear because of what I was wearing.
This is the sad state of how women think about our world, how we understand and know things to be. Any man who says that we're being dramatic or that we're wrong for saying this just because "not all men" do these things obviously doesn't care what it's like for us to live in this society, they only care what it's like for them, and they're hurt that we can't see that they're such good guys. They're SO hurt, in fact, that they'll call us man haters, bitter, shrill, angry women. I've seen it and experienced it. We're not allowed to talk about our own experiences without qualifiers to make sure the good men feel represented and seen and heard. But the thing is, those "good men" who've complained the loudest in my presence were absolutely nowhere to be found when I specifically asked for help, when I said I didn't feel safe and needed to get out of my house and away from my husband, those exact same men who would call me a man hater are STILL FRIENDS with my ex husband. So I don't want to fucking hear it. It they're not part of the solution they're part of the problem, and I don't need to soften my language to make them feel comfortable with the shit I've had to live with my entire life.
You don't have to soften yours either, Qasim. Keep telling them like it is. I appreciate you.
Good. You're 100% correct. Rape is a man's problem. If a woman rapes, society deals with her quickly and ruthlessly because she is an anomaly. Men give their brothers all sorts of latitude because they know they understand rape. Rape is power, sure, but it is also orgasmic. Men love their vaginal and anal orgasms. Sex without coming in a person isn't really sex. ED ends sex for men even though a flaccid member can still bring pressure. A man isn't a man if he can't penetrate. How can a man deny his own biological imperative? No, really. How can society end this mentality without relieving men of power and capacity? I encourage a debate about this.
Thanks so much for continuing to invite discussion and action on this topic. It is of critical importance to society, not just women, as you so eloquently share.
Thank you for not directing this at women. It is not our problem. When women are treated as objects rather than as human beings, violence becomes a right of ownership. What would it take for men to reject an ownership mentality? I don't believe the phenomenon is getting worse. Silence does not equal absence of abuse. Victims talk to each other. I've heard so many stories, seen how dismissive police are, heard accusations hurled at any woman who talks. I've been sexually assaulted, but the dynamic extends far beyond the most egregious behavior. I do not think "education," as in reading about it, is going to change much. Role models matter. Being the kind of man who respects boundaries is being a role model. Seeing a woman as a whole person who matters is being a role model. Across the broader culture, it looks like those role models are hard to find.
I am so, so sorry. That should never have happened. I don't know your mom, of course, but my own mom enabled my father because he had all the power, and he was a cruel bully. I was just lucky he didn't think to rape me.
Thank you for speaking out to men so passionately and honestly on this.
"The solution to male violence is male accountability." So true. Thank you for saying this, Qasim. So glad that I am supporting your work. Keep doing this work, for all of us!
Thank you Qasim, for the courage to take on a difficult subject . Violence in our society is pervasive . Silence is Complicity. It's very sad how much misogyny is accepted.
Thank you, Qasim! The problems have been building for so long. Entire industries are implicated for promoting sexism, violence, division, and endless pornographic interpretations of interactions between women and men. How shall the flood of profits ever be stopped long enough for people to recognize the manipulation? Tragedy abounds. Men do need to stand up to other men and stop the herd mentality of abuse of women.
Thank you from the women of the world, past, present and future, for writing this. Thanks from the men, too, as carrying the kind of thought or attitude that these crimes against humanity harm all of us. To think this kind of disrespect might be OK, at all, is not something anyone should tolerate within others or within themselves. This is wrong action and destructive for all involved and for those around them. This is just a small part of why we must assure safety in society and especially in places people are most without power, jails and prisons, detention centers and ICE custody. "Free" or not women and children can be more vulnerable so DO need the protection of men, even if that protection is from you, yourself.
Thank you!! All men should read this and be courageous enough to no longer be silent
Thank you for the comment, "You do not get a cookie for not being a rapist." It made me smile; I appreciated the relief that provided as I read the horror of "rape academy."
I wonder what the health effects are of lifelong elevated cortisol levels.
I couldn't trust my husband of 16 years. I always thought, he gets angry, he shouts, he belittles, he doesn't respect me, he can be controlling, but there's no way he'd ever hurt me! And since this sentiment was echoed by everyone I knew, since no one saw any of his behavior as abuse, everyone was so shocked when he did hurt me. So, if I can't trust my own husband, why should I trust any random man off the street? And I know this makes men angry, but it's precisely their angry response that makes them suspect. That anger, that entitlement, that expectation that I should allow them to be in my space when I'm uncomfortable, that I should accommodate them regardless of my own lived experience because that would make THEM more comfortable, that's potential for harm. That right there. If they can't see it or believe it then they have more problems than they could ever realize.
Josh Johnson, comedian and philosopher that he is, talks about how when women said they'd rather encounter a bear in the woods than a random man, and how men commented to this online with things like, "what the fuck kind of stupid answer is that, you dumb bitch?!", and he sort of shrugs and laughs like, duh. Those kind of responses just reinforce the main crux of the problem. He points out that answers women listed as to why they'd rather encounter the bear: If I got mauled by a bear at least I'd be believed; A bear is only going to do one thing to me; No one is going to say I got mauled by a bear because of what I was wearing.
This is the sad state of how women think about our world, how we understand and know things to be. Any man who says that we're being dramatic or that we're wrong for saying this just because "not all men" do these things obviously doesn't care what it's like for us to live in this society, they only care what it's like for them, and they're hurt that we can't see that they're such good guys. They're SO hurt, in fact, that they'll call us man haters, bitter, shrill, angry women. I've seen it and experienced it. We're not allowed to talk about our own experiences without qualifiers to make sure the good men feel represented and seen and heard. But the thing is, those "good men" who've complained the loudest in my presence were absolutely nowhere to be found when I specifically asked for help, when I said I didn't feel safe and needed to get out of my house and away from my husband, those exact same men who would call me a man hater are STILL FRIENDS with my ex husband. So I don't want to fucking hear it. It they're not part of the solution they're part of the problem, and I don't need to soften my language to make them feel comfortable with the shit I've had to live with my entire life.
You don't have to soften yours either, Qasim. Keep telling them like it is. I appreciate you.
Good. You're 100% correct. Rape is a man's problem. If a woman rapes, society deals with her quickly and ruthlessly because she is an anomaly. Men give their brothers all sorts of latitude because they know they understand rape. Rape is power, sure, but it is also orgasmic. Men love their vaginal and anal orgasms. Sex without coming in a person isn't really sex. ED ends sex for men even though a flaccid member can still bring pressure. A man isn't a man if he can't penetrate. How can a man deny his own biological imperative? No, really. How can society end this mentality without relieving men of power and capacity? I encourage a debate about this.
Thank you.
Thanks so much for continuing to invite discussion and action on this topic. It is of critical importance to society, not just women, as you so eloquently share.
Thank you
Thanks for bringing this to the forefront.
This is so horrific 😢
We must talk more about this.
Thank you for not directing this at women. It is not our problem. When women are treated as objects rather than as human beings, violence becomes a right of ownership. What would it take for men to reject an ownership mentality? I don't believe the phenomenon is getting worse. Silence does not equal absence of abuse. Victims talk to each other. I've heard so many stories, seen how dismissive police are, heard accusations hurled at any woman who talks. I've been sexually assaulted, but the dynamic extends far beyond the most egregious behavior. I do not think "education," as in reading about it, is going to change much. Role models matter. Being the kind of man who respects boundaries is being a role model. Seeing a woman as a whole person who matters is being a role model. Across the broader culture, it looks like those role models are hard to find.
I grew up in a family where my father's mother knew he was raping me and she told me it was my fault. Women often empower abusive men.
I am so, so sorry. That should never have happened. I don't know your mom, of course, but my own mom enabled my father because he had all the power, and he was a cruel bully. I was just lucky he didn't think to rape me.